


dear heart

by amandaskankovich



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6991192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandaskankovich/pseuds/amandaskankovich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: AU where the season 2 twist is that Felix is revealed to be the male clone. Not Mark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dear heart

She sees him and her gut reaction is a retching noise caught in her throat.

She knows that face.

Little brother.

Dear heart.

Love.

She swallows bile.

*

That face panting at her violent and gleeful. This stranger with her brother’s face he sticks his tongue between two of his fingers. Makes a lewd gesture she can’t say Felix would never make but it would be a joke with Felix. It would be funny because it would be Felix.

She thinks about finding her sisters.

With them there had always been this feeling not like finding herself but very similar to coming home. Even a tiny bit with Rachel. A little. A crumb. Buried underneath all that instant and justified primal lizard fear.

With this face she is reminded of a mad dog humping her leg and then ripping out her throat.

*

She will tell him soon.

It’s an impossible secret and hours later that it still is one is a miracle.

And he is in danger even more so now that they know that she knows.

She wants to ask her dear old mum how she managed to get not one but two clones in her care and never mention it.

She shoves her.

She demands.

She doesn’t mean to be so rough. She is furious. Her heart is breaking. Felix had been her little island in all this and now he’s a part of it. A part of it in a way he never was before and she is also selfish. This will need to be dealt with delicately. Felix will deserve that and she will never be able to give it to him. There will be no time. There’s never any time anymore.

S swears she didn’t know.

Somehow.

And she is so tired she lets go of her shirt. She will believe her for now until she can’t anymore.

Like always.

*

She takes him out like old times. Thy get fun drunk and fun high and they feel the music and they are laughing and laughing and she decides to tell him. She will tell him on the long walk home. But then it was such a nice time. How can she take him out and say, “Look at the rabbits. Just look at the rabbits.”

How?

*

In the end the universe makes her.

Like always.

From what they can gather he was standing on a ladder painting.

In his hospital bed he says he felt something like….his brain freezing. His brain stopping. A perfect dot of pain knocking him over and off his ladder and back and back where Sarah found him there on the floor so still.

“I had thought it was just the be all end all of a migraine but from your face I can see…oh god. It’s a tumor. I have a tumor.”

“Fe–”

“You have no poker face. They…they should have had a doctor do this or at the very least you have tweaked this fucking morphine a bit when I wasn’t looking. Jesus fucking Christ. Do I have to have surgery? Are they going to shave my head. I can’t pull of a shaved head Sarah. We learned that the hard way remember?”

“Felix.” She makes him look her in the eye.

“It’s not a tumor is it?”

“No.”

“Well why the fuck did you let me go five whole minutes thinking it was? Asshole!”

She grabs his hand. She swallows. She blinks. She feels all the love in the world for him.

“Sarah what is it?”

She tells herself this might make them closer. It might. They are the same. They are made from the same. And before they said it didn’t matter and it didn’t but…now it will have to be the raft she will use to pull him to shore and she will cling.

“You looked like a literal dick head bald.” She says. 

He smiles at her and she’s home.


End file.
